Growing My Family Blog - You're Not Alone

You're in the middle of a hopeful donor conception cycle. The appointments are happening, the plan is in motion, and a new path to your family is unfolding. You think you "should" be feeling nothing but excitement and gratitude. And yet, you find yourself hit by a sudden wave of sadness. Maybe it’s a quiet whisper of grief over the genetic connection you've had to let go of. Maybe it's a general feeling of low mood, a bone-deep exhaustion that has nothing to do with being tired. It can feel so confusing. So isolating. You might even feel guilty, asking yourself, "Why can't I just be happy about this? What's wrong with me?" Please, hear this first: It is completely normal. Your feelings are valid. There is nothing wrong with you. What you are experiencing is one of the most common, yet least-talked-about, aspects of building a family with the help of a donor. It’s the paradox of holding immense hope and deep grief in your heart at the very same ti...

One minute you feel fine, the next you’re welling up with tears over a car commercial or snapping with a flash of irritation that seems to come from nowhere. If this sounds familiar, please hear this: You are not going crazy. You are not "too sensitive." You are a passenger on the hormone rollercoaster that is fertility treatment, and you are in very good company. The physical and emotional side effects of the medications are real, they are powerful, and they can be incredibly tough. This isn't a sign that you're not handling things well; it's a sign that your body is responding to potent hormones designed to do a very big job. Our hope is to give you some tools for your heart and, most importantly, radical permission to be extra gentle with yourself as you ride these waves. Caring for Yourself Through the Fog When you're in the thick of it, it can feel like a dense fog has rolled in, making it hard to see yourself clearly. Here’s how you can find your way thr...

There it is. The box. It sits on your kitchen counter, a stark, clinical presence in the heart of your home. Inside are vials, syringes, pills, and a sheet of instructions that looks like a secret code. That little box of medications holds so much, doesn't it? It’s a tangible symbol of a new beginning, filled with the powerful, electric hope of "This could be it!" and shadowed by the quiet, persistent anxiety of "What if it doesn't work?" If you are standing in front of that box, feeling pulled in a million different directions, please take a breath and know this: you are not alone. Every single person who has walked this path knows the landscape of that countertop. The Electric Hum of Hope Let’s honor the hope first, because it’s the fuel for this entire journey. This box represents action. After a season of waiting, wondering, and wishing, you are finally doing something. There is a proactive energy that comes with organizing the supplies, reading the prot...

You’ve seen it – that longed-for positive on a home pregnancy test. A wave of emotions, from disbelief to cautious joy, has likely washed over you. And now, you enter another unique phase of waiting: the period between that initial positive and the official confirmation from your doctor, usually via blood tests (beta HCG levels) and eventually, that first ultrasound. This wait, while filled with a new kind of hope, can also be a breeding ground for anxiety. Every day can feel like an eternity, and your mind can easily slip into overdrive, analyzing every symptom (or lack thereof) and replaying "what ifs." During this tender, uncertain time, learning the art of distraction becomes a crucial skill for preserving your sanity, managing anxiety, and allowing yourself to find moments of peace and even joy. This isn't about ignoring your feelings or pretending the wait isn't happening; it’s about consciously choosing to give your mind a rest, to create pockets of normalcy, a...

If you're on the remarkable journey of building your family with the help of both a donor (of eggs, sperm, or embryos) and a gestational surrogate, your heart is likely a place of immense activity right now. You're holding so much hope, so much anticipation, and an almost indescribable depth of gratitude for the incredible people who are making your dream of parenthood possible. And yet, alongside that profound thankfulness, sometimes other, more complex feelings can quietly surface, can't they? Moments where the gratitude you feel for your donor and your surrogate might mingle with a pang of sadness for the biological roles you aren't playing, or even a fleeting, human flicker of envy for the physical experiences they are having. If this sounds at all familiar, please know you are not alone, and these feelings are not "wrong" or a sign that you're not deeply appreciative. They are simply part of the rich, intricate, and very human emotional tapestry of th...

When you’re standing at the crossroads of deciding what to do with your remaining frozen embryos, the future can feel like a vast expanse of "what ifs." "What if I regret this decision later?" "What if my circumstances change and I wish I’d chosen differently?" "What if I want more children someday?" "What if my child asks about their potential siblings?" These "what if" questions can be a significant source of anxiety and can make an already complex decision feel even more daunting. Playing the "what if" game can be a form of mental torture if it’s just an endless loop of worry. However, thoughtfully and intentionally considering future scenarios can actually be a valuable part of your decision-making process. It’s not about predicting the future with certainty (which is impossible), but about exploring potential feelings and outcomes to help you make a choice that feels as robust and peace-filled as possible, both ...