The Gut-Punch of an Unexpected Delay: How to Navigate Setbacks as a Team

Hey there Friend,

Let’s talk about one of the hardest moments on this journey. You’re all set to go. You’ve done the research, you’ve psyched yourself up, you’ve allowed a fragile little seed of hope to take root in your heart. The calendar is marked, the medications are lined up, and you’re ready.

And then you get the call.

The one that makes the air get sucked out of the room. Your lining isn’t thick enough. An unexpected cyst has appeared on the ultrasound. The test results aren’t what you hoped for. The cycle has to be cancelled.

In an instant, the path forward disappears, and you’re left standing in a fog of confusion, frustration, and disappointment. An unexpected hurdle or delay can feel like a physical gut-punch, knocking the wind out of you and making you want to either lash out at the world or curl up in a ball and shut down completely.

If you’ve been there, you know. And if you’re there right now, please hear this: your feelings are 100% valid. This is a deeply painful and unwelcome part of the journey, but it does not have to be the end of your story. This is a moment that tests your resilience, and it’s a moment that you can face—and overcome—together.

First, Feel the Feelings (All of Them)

Before you even think about problem-solving, you have to give yourself and each other permission to feel the emotional impact. It is okay to be furious at the unfairness of it all. It’s okay to be profoundly sad. It’s okay to be so frustrated you could scream.

In these moments, our instinct is often to immediately jump to, "Okay, what's next?" But that can feel like putting a bandage on a gaping wound. The most powerful thing you can do for each other at the start is to simply validate the emotion. A quiet, "This is so frustrating, I'm so sorry this is happening," or "I’m so angry for us right now," can be far more healing than a thousand solutions. Create a space where it’s safe to vent, to cry, and to be disappointed without judgment.

Consciously Avoid the Blame Game

When things go wrong and we feel powerless, it’s human nature to search for a reason, a cause, a person or thing to blame. Our brains crave an explanation. But on this journey, blame is a corrosive force that only adds stress and drives a wedge between you.

You might be tempted to blame the clinic, the doctor, your own body, or even each other. Make a conscious pact to avoid this. This isn't about finding fault; it's about facing a frustrating hurdle. Remind each other, out loud if you have to: "This isn't anyone's fault. This is a challenge we are facing, and we are on the same team." That simple phrase can be a powerful anchor when emotions are running high.

Become a Problem-Solving Duo

Once the initial wave of emotion has crested and you’ve had a moment to breathe, you can shift into action mode—together. This is where you transform from two people feeling helpless into a powerful, problem-solving duo.

Schedule a "State of the Union": Sit down together, away from distractions, to talk through what happened.

Gather Your Questions: Make a shared list of every question you have for the clinic. No question is too small or silly.

Communicate as a Team: Schedule a call with your nurse or doctor to ask your questions together. Approaching the clinic collaboratively reinforces your partnership and prevents one person from carrying the entire mental load of information gathering.

Research, Together: If there are alternative options to consider, sit down and look into them side-by-side.

Tackling the problem as a team doesn't just get you answers; it rebuilds your sense of agency and control.

Lean on Your Coping Strategies

The uncertainty that comes with a delay is a massive source of stress. This is the time to pull out the coping strategies you've been practicing. You've been building these tools for a reason; now is the time to use them.

• Go for a long walk to clear your heads and move the stress out of your bodies.
• Find a guided meditation for anxiety on your phone.
• Plan a fun, healthy distraction to give yourselves a complete break from the stress for an evening.
• Journal your frustrations to get them out of your head and onto paper.

Double Down on Support and Encouragement

When a setback occurs, you both need extra care. This is the time to be incredibly intentional about offering it to each other. Your partnership is your greatest source of strength, and it needs to be nurtured.

A simple, "We're going to figure this out," or "I'm so grateful I have you to go through this with," can be the emotional fuel you need to keep going. Acknowledge each other’s strength. Celebrate the fact that even though you’ve been knocked down, you’re still standing, together.

A Community Built on Resilience

If there's one thing the members of GrowingMyFamily understand, it's the unexpected hurdle. We have seen it all: cancelled cycles, frustrating test results, financial snags, and everything in between. What we have also seen, time and time again, is the incredible resilience of couples who face these challenges together.

This community is a living testament to the fact that setbacks are part of the path, but they don't have to be the end of the road. Sharing your story of a delay in our forums won’t just get you support; it will show someone else who is one step behind you that they aren’t alone, and that there is a way through.

We know this feeling intimately here at GrowingMyFamily. We once had an embryo transfer—the moment we had been working towards for months—cancelled just two days before it was scheduled. The hope that had been so carefully built just… shattered. It felt like a freefall. There was the initial shock, followed by a wave of anger, and then just a hollow, empty sadness. We didn't know what to say to each other. We had to learn, in that raw moment, how to turn towards each other instead of away. How to hold the disappointment together without letting it break us. It's a pain we wouldn't wish on anyone, and it's why this community exists.

Stronger Than the Setback

Hurdles are a test of your resilience, not a sign of failure. Remember your game plan:

• Allow space for the emotional reaction before jumping to solutions.
• Make a pact to avoid blaming anyone.
• Tackle the problem-solving and communication as a team.
• Lean on your coping skills to manage the stress of uncertainty.

Friend, a delay is not a denial. It is a frustrating, painful, and unwelcome part of the journey, but it is not the end of your story. Take a deep breath, turn to your partner, and remember the powerful team that you are. You will navigate this, together.