Let’s talk about the waiting. It’s a constant companion on the surrogacy journey, isn’t it? The wait for the screening results, the wait for the match, the wait for the transfer, the agonizing two-week wait after the transfer. And during these periods of waiting, it’s so easy for life to shrink. Our focus narrows, our world becomes defined by the next appointment, the next medication, the next potential outcome. The vibrant colors of our lives can fade into a muted gray. The joy we once found in hobbies, in spontaneous outings, or even in simple moments of peace can feel distant, like a memory from another lifetime.
In this state of waiting, it can feel like you’re just existing, holding your breath, waiting for your real life to begin. And in that space, a quiet ache can settle in. The ache of an empty room that was supposed to be a nursery, the ache of a life on pause, the ache of feeling like the journey has stolen not just your time, but your very sense of self.
If you feel like you’re living in a holding pattern, if your life feels defined by what’s next rather than what’s now, please know you are not alone. This is a reality so many in the GrowingMyFamily community have lived. And it can take a profound toll on our sense of well-being and our connection to ourselves.
But what if we could push back? What if, even in the midst of the waiting, we could reclaim small pockets of our lives? What if we could perform small acts of rebellion against the emptiness, against the feeling of being on hold?
These acts of rebellion are not about ignoring the journey or pretending the wait isn’t hard. They are about actively injecting life, joy, and purpose into your days, reminding yourself that you are more than just a surrogate. They are about reclaiming your vibrancy, your passions, and your sense of self, even while you are waiting.
The Rebellion Against Emptiness: Reclaiming Your Life, Not Just Enduring the Wait
When you’re waiting, it’s easy for your life to feel defined by what’s missing. You’re missing the pregnancy you won’t carry, you’re missing the baby you haven’t met yet, you’re missing the "normal" life you had before. This feeling of absence can be overwhelming, making it hard to see the fullness that still exists.
But what if you could fill that space? What if you could actively create moments of fullness, even while you are waiting for your ultimate fulfillment? This is where small acts of rebellion come in. They are acts that say: "My life is still full and vibrant, even while I am waiting."
Small Acts of Rebellion: Reclaiming Your Life, One Moment at a Time
These acts are not about escaping the journey; they are about enriching it. They are about ensuring that you are not just surviving the wait, but truly living your life while you wait.
Reclaim Your "Me" Time (Without Guilt)
The Act: This is not about being selfish; it's about being sustainable. Your body and your mind are doing incredible work. You need to replenish your own energy. Schedule time for yourself that has absolutely nothing to do with surrogacy or your own family’s immediate needs. This could be an hour to read a book for pleasure, a long bath with no agenda, a walk in nature where you leave your phone behind, or a coffee date with a friend who doesn't know about your journey (just for a break from the constant surrogacy conversation).
Why it’s a rebellion: In a journey that demands so much of your body and your emotional energy, prioritizing your own well-being is a radical act. It says, "I am worthy of care, too. My needs matter, even when I am giving so much to others." It’s a quiet rebellion against the idea that your entire existence should be solely focused on the journey.
Reclaim Your Home as a Sanctuary (Not a Clinic)
The Act: We talked about the "medical invasion" before, but this is about actively pushing back. Create a "medical-free zone" in your home. Contain your supplies in a dedicated box or basket. When it’s time for injections or medications, take the box out, do what you need to do, and then put it away. Out of sight, out of mind. Then, actively bring in elements that feel like you. Light your favorite scented candle. Put on a playlist of music that makes you happy or calm. Buy a soft, luxurious blanket for your couch. These small acts are sensory reminders that this space is still your sanctuary, not just a place where medical tasks happen.
Why it’s a rebellion: This is a powerful act of reclaiming your personal space and identity. It’s a visual and sensory reminder that you are more than your medical journey; you are a woman living in her home, and that home should feel like yours. It’s a quiet act of defiance against the sterile takeover.
Reclaim Your Social Life (with Boundaries)
The Act: Don't isolate yourself. It’s tempting to withdraw when you feel misunderstood, but connection is vital. Make plans with friends, even if you have to be selective about who you tell and what you share. If a conversation starts to feel draining or triggering, have your polite exit strategy ready. "It was so good to see you! I need to head home now, but let's do this again soon."
Why it’s a rebellion: It’s easy to retreat entirely when you feel like no one understands. But connection is a powerful antidote to isolation. By choosing to engage on your own terms, you are showing yourself that you can maintain your social life and your support system without sacrificing your peace or your privacy. You are choosing connection over isolation.
Reclaim Your Passions and Hobbies
The Act: What did you love to do before this journey took center stage? Did you love to paint? Garden? Cook elaborate meals? Write poetry? Make time for those activities, even if it’s just for 30 minutes a week. Schedule it in. Treat it like an important appointment.
Why it’s a rebellion: These activities are not frivolous. They are the threads that weave the fabric of your identity. They remind you of who you are outside of being a surrogate. They are acts of self-expression and joy that say, "My life is still vibrant and full of things I love, even while I am waiting."
Reclaim Your Sense of Humor
The Act: Find the funny. Surrogacy can be absurd. The medical procedures, the acronyms, the sheer strangeness of the situation, the comments from others—there’s often humor to be found. Allow yourself to laugh about it, to share the funny anecdotes with your surrogate sisters who will understand perfectly.
Why it’s a rebellion: Laughter is a powerful stress reliever and a potent reminder that even in the midst of challenges, there is still joy to be found. It’s a way of saying, "This is hard, but I’m not going to let it steal my spirit or my sense of humor."
Your Life is Happening Now
The waiting can make it feel like your life is on hold, like you’re just existing until the next big event. But your life is happening now. Your children need you to be present. Your partner needs you to be connected. And you need you to be well.
These small acts of rebellion are not about escaping the journey; they are about enriching it. They are about ensuring that you are not just surviving the wait, but truly living your life while you wait. They are about reminding yourself, and the world, that you are a whole, vibrant person with a life and a spirit that is entirely your own.
So go ahead. Reclaim that hour. Light that candle. Call that friend. Take that walk. You are not just a vessel; you are a woman living a full, meaningful life, and you deserve to feel that fullness every single day. You are the author of your life, and you get to decide what fills your pages, even in the waiting.
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