Permission to Feel It All (The "Both/And" Holiday)

Hey there, Friend!

Have you ever been at a holiday party, laughing at a story one minute, and then felt a sudden, sharp pang of sadness the next? Have you ever felt genuinely happy for your pregnant sibling while simultaneously feeling a wave of jealousy and grief? If so, welcome to the "both/and" holiday experience. It’s the confusing, messy, and completely normal reality of navigating infertility during this season.

Society often tells us we have to pick one emotion, but that’s not how hearts work. You can feel both grateful for what you have and sad about what you don't. You can feel both joy for others and pain for yourself. There is no "right" way to feel right now. Your emotions are your internal compass, guiding you toward what you need. Let's make room for some of the most common (and conflicting) feelings that show up:

Anger: It's okay to be angry that this is your reality. Angry at your body, angry at the universe, angry that something that seems so easy for others is so hard for you.
Jealousy: That green-eyed monster is a normal visitor. Seeing pregnancy announcements can sting. It doesn't make you a bad person; it makes you human.
Hope: It's also okay to feel a flicker of hope. You don't have to squash it for fear of being disappointed.
Numbness: Sometimes, the feelings are just too much, and your brain decides to check out for a bit. Numbness is a form of self-protection.

In the GrowingMyFamily community, you never have to pretend. We are a judgment-free zone for your heart. This emotional complexity isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of your deep capacity to love and to long. This holiday season, try to approach your feelings with curiosity instead of judgment. "Ah, there's that anger," or "Okay, sadness is visiting me now." You don't have to fix it. Just let it be.

Your Gentle Reminder: Two opposite feelings can be true at the same time. Your emotions are signals, not failures.

This holiday season, try to approach your feelings with curiosity instead of judgment. When a big emotion comes up, see if you can just notice it without needing to fix it or push it away. Think of yourself as a loving friend to your own heart, giving it the space, the grace, and the permission it needs to feel everything.

There is nothing wrong with you for feeling happy for a friend one moment and sad for yourself the next. In fact, it is a testament to the beauty and resilience of your spirit. You are navigating the highest highs for others and the lowest lows for yourself, all at the same time. That is not confusion; that is grace.

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