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"So, When Are You Having Kids?"


Hey there, Friend!

It’s the moment you dread most at every holiday gathering, isn't it? You’re holding a plate of appetizers, maybe laughing at a joke, and then—wham. It comes out of nowhere. A well-meaning aunt, a curious cousin, or a family friend you haven’t seen in a year leans in and asks, "So, when are you two having kids?"

It feels less like a question and more like a spotlight shining directly on your deepest bruise. It can be shocking, intrusive, and incredibly difficult to answer in the moment. Your throat tightens, your heart does a painful flip-flop, and suddenly you feel like you have to explain your entire life while standing next to the punch bowl.

Let’s be very clear: You do not owe anyone an answer. You certainly don't owe them the gritty details of your private medical journey or the heartache of your waiting. The key to navigating this is remembering that you are in control. Having a few prepared, go-to responses in your back pocket can be the difference between feeling ambushed and feeling empowered. The goal isn't to be "polite" at your own expense; the goal is to have a response that feels authentic to you and protects your heart.

In our GrowingMyFamily community, we share scripts like these all the time because they work. Choose one or two that feel right for you and practice saying them out loud, so they are ready when you need them:

  • The Short, Sweet, and Vague: This is perfect for nosy relatives or people you’re not close to. "We’ll see what the future holds!" (said with a warm smile) or "When we have news to share, you’ll be one of the first to know."

  • The Gentle Boundary: This is a little more direct and very effective. "We actually prefer to keep that part of our lives private right now, but thank you for asking."

  • The Redirect: This is my personal favorite because it puts the ball back in their court. "That’s a great question! You know, that reminds me, I saw you went on that amazing trip—you have to tell me all about it!"

Please remember that your response is for you. It is designed to protect your emotional well-being. We often feel a pressure to make the other person feel comfortable, even when their question has made us feel uncomfortable. But you are under no obligation to smooth things over. Your priority is your own heart.

Your Gentle Reminders for the Season:

  • A prepared answer can help you feel powerful instead of powerless.

  • You have every right to draw a boundary around your story.

  • You do not owe anyone your medical history over dinner.

  • It is okay to change the subject immediately.

  • Your privacy is not a secret; it is a boundary.

The next time that question lands, try to meet it with the knowledge that you are prepared. You are a strong, resilient person navigating a difficult path. You have every right to protect your peace. We see the courage it takes to smile through the invasive questions, and we are standing with you, cheering you on as you find the words that honor your journey.

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