Growing My Family Blog - You're Not Alone

You got the news together. You sat in the same heavy silence after the phone call, or looked at the same stark white of a negative test. You are both heartbroken. You are a team, united in this profound disappointment. So why does it sometimes feel like you are grieving on two completely separate islands? Maybe one of you wants to talk about it endlessly, while the other wants to put on a movie and forget. Maybe one of you is ready to research the next step, while the other can’t bear to think about the future. It can lead to feelings of isolation and misunderstanding. You might find yourself thinking, "Don't they care as much as I do?" Please hear this: It is incredibly normal for partners to grieve differently. Your partner’s way of coping is not a reflection of their love for you or their investment in this journey. Why We Grieve Differently: The Fixer vs. The Feeler (and more) There is no "right" way to grieve. We all process pain through the lens of our uni...

There are moments, dozens of times a day, when I look at my sons and my breath catches in my chest. I watch them laugh, a full-bodied, uninhibited roar of joy, and I am flooded with a love so immense it feels like it could power a city. And, occasionally,  in that moment, I see it clear as day: They look just like their dad. I don’t mean my husband, their loving father who raises them day-in and day-out. I mean their other dad. The man who, along with their mom, chose to build their family alongside ours through embryo donation. They have their other dad's smile. They have their other dad's eyes. And my feeling in that moment is a complex cocktail of wonder, gratitude, and a love that stretches across two homes. A Note on Our Language (And Our Family) Before we go any further, we want to gently address the language we use, because it’s at the very heart of our family’s story. In our home, our sons have two moms and two dads. We know this might be jarring for some to read. We wa...

Take a breath. A really deep one. If you’re reading this, it’s quite possible you’re staring at a little plastic stick, one that currently holds the entire universe in its tiny window. After what has likely felt like an eternity of hoping, dreaming, trying, and enduring the relentless emotional and physical marathon of infertility, you’ve seen it: that second line. Or perhaps it’s a digital "Pregnant." The words you’ve yearned to see, maybe for years. And in that moment? Your world probably tilted. It’s a moment steeped in so much history, so much longing, that the reaction is rarely simple, uncomplicated joy. More often, it’s a tidal wave – disbelief, shock, a cautious, fragile hope, maybe even a surge of fear. If you’re finding it hard to believe your own eyes, if your heart is pounding and your hands are shaking, please know you are not alone in this extraordinary, bewildering moment. So many of us who have walked this path remember that exact feeling with a clarity that n...

Today I want to talk, very gently and with immense compassion, about what might come next. When the initial shockwaves have begun to subside, even just a fraction, you might find yourself standing in a bewildering, desolate landscape, wondering how to even begin to think about a path forward, or if a path forward even exists. Please know, with every fiber of our being, that there is absolutely no rush. There is no "right" timeline for processing this kind of profound loss, for healing, or for making any decisions about your future. The most important thing right now, and for as long as you need, is to give yourself an abundance of grace, patience, and the space you need to simply breathe and begin to heal. The idea of "moving on" can feel offensive; perhaps it's more about "moving forward," carrying the loss with you, integrated into your story, rather than trying to leave it behind. The Lingering Questions, the Haunting "Whys," and the Searc...

If you’re navigating an embryo donation cycle as a couple, you’re on a journey that is profoundly shared, built on a mutual decision to welcome a child into your lives who has no genetic connection to either of you. This creates a unique dynamic, a special kind of unity, and a shared landscape of hopes and vulnerabilities. That feeling, that thought, "We're in this together... how do we best support each other through this unique experience?" is what we want to focus on today. Because while many family-building paths involve navigating different roles and sometimes different emotional experiences (like one partner carrying the pregnancy), embryo donation often places both partners on a more equal footing from the very start. This can foster a powerful sense of unity, but it also brings its own set of unique considerations for your partnership. In our GrowingMyFamily community, we see the beauty and the challenges of this shared path. It’s a journey where your teamwork isn...

If you're walking the path of infertility, donor conception, adoption, or surrogacy, you know that this journey, while filled with so much hope, can also bring a unique and often heavy emotional load. There are moments of joy, yes, but also moments of uncertainty, grief, anxiety, and complex decisions that can weigh on your heart and mind. And sometimes, even with the most loving friends, supportive family, or a wonderful partner by your side, you might find yourself thinking, "This feels like a lot to carry on my own. I wonder if talking to someone who really gets this, someone professional, could help?" If that thought has ever crossed your mind, or if it's sitting with you right now, we want to wrap you in a warm, virtual hug from all of us at GrowingMyFamily and say this loud and clear: Reaching out for professional support is not a sign of weakness, failure, or that you're "not coping." It is an act of profound strength, self-awareness, and incredib...

Ah, Parenthood! Along with the overwhelming love, the sleepless nights, and the endless tiny socks, you’ve likely been introduced to a near-universal companion: parent guilt. That nagging feeling that you’re not doing enough, not doing it right, that you’ve somehow messed up or are falling short. It’s a common experience for all parents. But when you’ve come to parenthood after the long, arduous, and often emotionally bruising journey of infertility, this "parent guilt" can sometimes feel like it hits harder, carries more weight, and is amplified by the echoes of your past struggles. You might find yourself plagued by an extra layer of self-doubt, a more intense fear of not measuring up, precisely because you wanted this child so desperately and fought so hard to bring them into the world. Here at GrowingMyFamily, we want to validate this heightened experience of guilt and self-doubt and explore compassionate ways to navigate it. The Amplified Guilt: Why It Feels Different Af...

The wait is over. The call has been made, the test has been read, and you are holding the result in your heart. After you've had a moment to process it yourself, the next question quietly emerges: Who do we tell, and how? Sharing your news—whether it's joyful, heartbreaking, or confusingly in-between—can feel like an incredibly vulnerable act. You're not just sharing a result; you're sharing a piece of your soul, and you can't always control how people will react to something so precious. This is your guide to sharing your news in a way that feels authentic to you, honors your journey, and protects your heart from reactions that might be less than supportive. Your Communication Game Plan Before you pick up the phone, taking a moment to create a gentle plan can make you feel more in control and emotionally prepared. 1. Decide Who and When on Your Own Terms You are in complete control of this. You do not owe anyone an immediate update. Take a breath and ask yourself t...

On the infertility journey, we brace ourselves for two potential outcomes: the joyful "yes" or the heartbreaking "no." We prepare our hearts for either a celebration or a period of grief. But what happens when the news you get isn't a clear answer? What happens when you're stranded in the gray, agonizing space of a "maybe"? Sometimes the news isn't a clear yes or no. Maybe it's the phone call from the nurse, her voice cautiously optimistic but guarded: "Your beta number is positive, but it's on the low side. We need to retest in 48 hours." Maybe it's the faint, hopeful line on a home test, only to be followed by the clinical, confusing term "chemical pregnancy." This is emotional limbo. It is a special kind of hell where you are simultaneously pregnant and not pregnant, hopeful and heartbroken, all at the same time. This uncertainty is incredibly difficult. The ground beneath your feet disappears, and you are lef...

You’re standing at the gate of the rollercoaster again. You know this ride. You know the slow, clanking climb of the hopeful moments, the stomach-lurching drops of disappointment, the dizzying twists and turns of the two it almost hurts. You know, deep in your bones, how incredibly lucky you are. And yet. There is another feeling, a quiet ache that lives right alongside the gratitude. It’s the longing for one more. The dream of a sibling for your child, of a dinner table with one more chair, of the family you always pictured in your heart. And so, you decide to step back on the rollercoaster. You re-enter the world of appointments, medications, and two-week waits. But this time, the ride feels different. It’s weighted with a complex mix of emotions that can be incredibly isolating. If you are navigating secondary infertility, you know this two-hearted feeling. The feeling of being simultaneously filled with joy for the child you have, and hollowed out with grief for the child you don...

This is it. The moment everything has been leading to. After all the medications, the monitoring, the waiting, and the hoping, embryo transfer day arrives. It is often the absolute peak of hope in a treatment cycle—a sacred, quiet moment where science and hope meet in the most miraculous way. Whether you are transferring an embryo created with donor gametes or a precious donor embryo, the feelings can be overwhelming. It’s a powerful mix of profound excitement, gut-wrenching anxiety, and a deep, fierce love for the potential life you are about to welcome. Today, we walk through this monumental day with you. Preparing Your Heart and Mind for Transfer This day is about so much more than a medical procedure. It’s about preparing a space in your heart. Your Heart is Big Enough for Both Hope and Fear Allow yourself to feel it all. It is perfectly okay to be incredibly, wildly hopeful and simultaneously terrified. Today holds all the possibilities, and your emotions will naturally reflect th...

Today, we want to talk about something that lies at the very core of the GrowingMyFamily community, especially when it comes to navigating the deeply personal and often emotionally charged decisions around remaining embryos. That "something" is the incredible power of transparency and shared experience. When individuals and couples open their hearts and share their authentic journeys – their struggles, their uncertainties, their decision-making processes, and their paths to finding peace – it creates a ripple effect of understanding, validation, and hope for others walking similar paths. This isn't about oversharing or revealing private details one isn't comfortable with. It’s about the courageous act of being real, of acknowledging the complexities, and of offering the gift of your lived experience to a community that "gets it." This kind of heartfelt sharing is what transforms a collection of individuals into a true supportive network. The Loneliness of Un...

If you are reading this, it's likely because you are walking a path you never expected. You are the loving parent of an adult child who is struggling to build their family, and your heart is probably aching right alongside theirs. You watch them go through the grueling rhythm of treatments, the emotional rollercoaster of hope and disappointment, and you feel a unique blend of helplessness, worry, and a deep, fierce love. You dream of becoming a grandparent, but your dream is filtered through the lens of your own child's pain. It's a lonely and confusing place to be. You want so desperately to help, but it can be hard to know how. This is your guide to navigating your role as a supportive parent on this journey. Understanding Their World (and Your Own) The first and most important thing to understand is that the landscape of infertility has changed. For your child, this is not just a private disappointment; it's a consuming medical process, a financial strain, and an emo...

The path to parenthood is rarely a straight line. For many, it’s a journey of unexpected turns, deep hopes, and complex decisions. When that path involves donor conception, a whole new landscape of choices opens up—choices about known donors, open ID donors, or anonymous donors. Each option comes with its own unique set of emotions, logistics, and considerations. At GrowingMyFamily, we’ve built a community to honor every one of those paths. This is a space where you can find others navigating the exact same dynamics as you. It's a place to ask for advice on setting boundaries with a known donor or to share your complicated feelings about the anonymity of a bank donor and be met with a chorus of understanding and "me, too." We believe that no one should have to walk this path alone. But supporting every path doesn’t mean we walk without a compass. Our community is built on a dual commitment: to support the parents of today and to advocate for the children of tomorrow. Our ...

If you’ve chosen surrogacy as your path to parenthood, one of the most unique and profound aspects of your journey will be the relationship you build with your surrogate – the incredible woman who is carrying your hopes, your dreams, and your baby. This isn’t just a transactional arrangement; for many, it becomes a deeply meaningful, lifelong connection, a sacred partnership. But how do you navigate this unique relationship? What are the keys to building trust, open communication, and a bond that honors everyone involved, especially the precious life at the center of it all? More Than "Just" a Carrier: She's a Partner in Your Dream It’s so important to remember that your surrogate (or gestational carrier) is a whole person with her own life, family, feelings, and motivations. She has chosen to embark on this extraordinary journey of generosity, and fostering a respectful, caring relationship with her is paramount. Understanding Her "Why": Many surrogates are mot...

Welcome to the Two-Week Wait (TWW), that surreal, alternate dimension of time where every single second feels like an hour, and your own body feels like a mysterious, locked room you desperately wish you had the key to. You become a detective of your own biology. Every twinge, every cramp, every flutter, every moment of feeling completely and utterly "normal" is a clue to be analyzed, googled, and obsessed over. And during this time, your brain can become your own personal horror movie director. It takes the tiniest bit of information and spins it into a full-blown, five-alarm fire of worst-case scenarios. The tiny cramp isn't just a cramp—it's definitive, irrefutable proof that your period is coming and the cycle has failed. A headache isn't just a headache—it's a sign the medication isn't working, or worse, a side effect that means something is wrong. A moment of feeling energetic and happy isn't a relief—it's a jinx. Your body is "tricking...